When a painting turns sour I feel an ache inside as a sense of fear and self doubt sets in. Perhaps I should quit while I am ahead. Perhaps I should flee the scene. Perhaps I should turn a blind eye toward any mistake or pretend that it is a virtue. I want to ignore the blemishes of my history. All my failures and mistakes. So telling is this reality about me, my god, others and the world. To take responsibility, repent, apologize and cease to defend myself because deep inside I know everyone is just as mucked up as I am is . . . so hard to do. But everyone else is not my judge despite all self-appointment so I need more grace than I thought to repent and believe. So that I will paint again, try again, hope again, pray again.
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